I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
