apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
