I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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