I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
