So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
