I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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