I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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