i barfeds in our rink
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
