It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
