a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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