'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize