We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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