you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize