I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize