i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
