Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
