I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
