i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize