1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
