In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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