btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
