i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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