Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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