But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
