just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
