that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
