How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
