just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
