I hope mine doesn't look like that
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
