I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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