He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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