You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
