I love having hate sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
