i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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