once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
