How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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