i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
