Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
