i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
