it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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