I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize