I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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