"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
