the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They have beer where we have blood.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
