So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
