A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize