I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize