I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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