I feel like I'm in dance class right now
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
