dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
