a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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