just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
