Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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