you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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