Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
