She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
