can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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