I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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