So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
