I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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