it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
