Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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