New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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