I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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