Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We are all done wearing pants today
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
