why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
