we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
