it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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