I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The best revenge is premature balding
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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