just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
