I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
