Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
