my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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