According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
