Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
