im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Someone signed my nipple.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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