she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
