i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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