No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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