just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
