perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
