You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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