I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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