dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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